18 month-old Golden Retriever CHEAP! (Part 1)

by Merlajean Gartland

18 Month-old Golden Retriever CHEAP!
Answers to the name of "Toast" and/or "Bad Dog".

She is the perfect dog if you can live with the following:

You can never go anywhere because:
--You cannot put her in a crate or she will throw herself from side to side so that, when you let her out, she limps and you’ll have to take her to the vet, who wants to call in an orthopedic surgeon.
--If you decide to crate her anyway she will pee on herself, which requires bathing her and washing everything in her crate when you get home. (This can be especially annoying if you have a day when you are in and out.)
--If you leave her in the bathroom she will unroll the toilet paper, pull out all the Kleenex, and rip up the bath mat and towels.
--If you leave her in your bedroom, she will rip up your blinds, even if they are new.
--If you leave her in the garage she will frantically claw at the door to the house, scratching it and taking the paint off.
--If you leave her in the garage she will chew through all the knots of the rope that you’ve used to tie the boat’s tarp on with. More than once. She will also chew the handle off of the starter-rope on the lawnmower, making the rope disappear into the mower. Again, more than once.
--You can’t leave her with your sister-in-law for the weekend because, while she’s hanging freshly washed clothes in the basement, she’ll see something dripping on them from upstairs. She’ll go up to see that the dog has peed. She will say ‘Never again’.

You cannot have company because:
--She jumps on people, which annoys adults and terrifies kids.
-- If you hug someone, she will wedge her body between you.
--If you boil a chicken to use in a casserole, you will put it in a strainer in the sink to cool while you go upstairs to do a quick errand. When you come back, the bird will be on the floor with both leg/thigh portions and one wing missing.
--She will chew your guests' shoes, purse, briefcase, glasses, wallets, hats/mittens/coat, sweater, cell phone, contact lenses (case and all). This can get expensive.

You cannot take her anywhere in the car because:
-- if you have to run in somewhere for just a minute, a woman will run in the store a few seconds later yelling that someone’s dog just crawled out of a sun roof (which, being the good dog owner that you are, you have left open so the dog gets fresh air), walked all over the car and is now tearing around the parking lot.
--If you close the sun roof ¾ of the way and go back into the store, a boy will come running in yelling that someone’s dog just crawled out of a sun roof, walked all over the car and is now tearing around the parking lot.
--If you run into the library you will come back to find the driver’s seat and steering wheel covered with anxious "I-thought-you-were-never-coming-back!" drool.

(Read more on Part II)